7 Signs Your Can-Do Attitude Is Actually ‘Toxic Positivity’

Toxic positivity might be dangerous to your physique and your thoughts. Consider it because the act of making a story that is all about feeling good and looking out on the intense aspect whereas hiding your destructive feelings in a manner that is not affordable, not pure, or not mentally wholesome. However for folks with a sunny disposition, it could laborious to see in case your positivity is one thing else in disguise.

Nicely, type of laborious. Writing for The Psychology Group, Samara Quintero, LMFT, CHT and Jamie Lengthy, PsyD, assist determine how poisonous positivity festers. Now, to be clear, poisonous positivity is not so simple as simply being nice. They outline poisonous positivity as an “extreme and ineffective overgeneralization of a contented, optimistic state throughout all conditions,” noting additional that “poisonous positivity leads to the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the genuine human emotional expertise.”

To wit, you are an individual. You are not a millennial pink “Good Vibes Solely” throw pillow. Generally issues are horrible and it is more practical to permit your self or your family members to talk your fact. If you happen to bottle issues up, properly, it could trigger actual stress on the physique and the thoughts. And in case you inform your buddy that “every thing occurs for a purpose” when some moron in a Hummer steamrolled their corgi, Waffles, you are going to get hit upside the pinnacle.

So, how do you see the variations between one and the opposite? Under, seven indicators of poisonous positivity:

The Telltale Indicators of Poisonous Positivity

  1. Hiding or masking your true emotions
  2. Making an attempt to “simply get on with it” by stuffing or dismissing emotion(s)
  3. Feeling responsible for feeling what you are feeling
  4. Minimizing different folks’s experiences with “really feel good” quotes or statements
  5. Making an attempt to offer somebody perspective (e.g., “it might be worse”) as a substitute of validating their emotional expertise
  6. Shaming or chastising others for expressing frustration or something apart from positivity
  7. Dismissing issues which can be bothering you with a “It’s what it’s”

If you end up responsible of any of those (notably 4-6) it is actually time to examine your self. Protecting a façade of “Every part is Superior!” goes to make it all of the harder to attach with folks. By not displaying your personal feelings, you are acquainting folks with a persona. Likewise, others will take your quote-throwing cardboard, and can be turned off by your lack of empathy.

Wanting on the intense aspect is not a deadly flaw. The world is filled with optimists and pessimists, a fragile stability of sunshine and darkish. What consultants ask is that if you’re searching for the silver lining, acknowledge that the clouds really exist. Additionally, cease utilizing that silver lining line, rebrand with one thing like, “I see you and I am right here for you.”

Finally, one of the best ways to unfold positivity is by permitting folks—and your self—a specific amount of compassion and catharsis.

So, how particularly do you cease poisonous positivity from seeping into your life? For starters, you possibly can attempt to exhibit a full vary of feelings in a wholesome method. Under, consultants present three tricks to just do that:

How To Keep away from Poisonous Positivity

1. Mannequin your full slate of feelings round your family members

Being a superb mannequin of emotional intelligence can yield optimistic outcomes, and a key to cultivating emotional intelligence entails expressing your true feelings in a manner that is pure and trustworthy. In observe, this may be troublesome with folks you do not know properly, however you can begin by modeling with family and friends, or whomever you might be susceptible with.

And if there aren’t folks in your life with whom you are feeling you might be susceptible, it is nonetheless potential to be trustworthy about your feelings. Simply lead by instance. “Poisonous positivity can seize maintain in communities, based mostly on what we really feel like is suitable,” says Amanda White, LPC, licensed therapist and founding father of Remedy for Ladies Middle. “If I do not present that I am upset about one thing, then family and friends do not, and it could unfold that manner.” By modeling your real feelings, you assist to interrupt that sample.

2. Do not be afraid to say you’re not okay

Elyse Fox, activist and founding father of Unhappy Women Membership, a nonprofit targeted on offering mental-wellness assets and neighborhood for Black, Indigenous, and Individuals of Shade (BIPOC) encourages folks in her community to expertise and categorical all their emotions, together with destructive feelings like anger and grief. “It’s a must to expertise all of the feelings which can be beneath to heal,” Fox says. “You possibly can’t simply placed on a masks.”

“It’s a must to expertise all of the feelings which can be beneath to heal. You possibly can’t simply placed on a masks.” —Elyse Fox, Unhappy Women Membership founder

“We’re in a state now the place we nonetheless do not know what is going on on. We do not know what’s occurring within the subsequent month,” Fox says, including that it is okay to really feel insecure or not sure concerning the future. “We actually encourage our neighborhood to have these actual conversations and to discuss the nitty-gritty nuances of their psychological well being.”

3. Reframe the way in which you concentrate on destructive feelings

The truth is, you don’t even need to consult with them as “destructive” feelings in any respect! Emotions of disappointment and anger aren’t inherently destructive; they’re simply responses to what’s occurring, says Jasmine Marie, a breathwork practitioner and founding father of Black Women Respiratory. When these emotions come up, use them as indicators: Suppose, “‘What do I would like to concentrate to?’ and ‘What do I would like to offer myself compassion on?’” Marie says.

And as you are eradicating the destructive associations you might have along with your emotions, remind your self that feelings are intertwined and sophisticated. You are allowed to have emotions in multitudes, and even in case you’re experiencing a messy mixture of happiness and guilt, or distress and pleasure, or all the above, acknowledge it and mannequin it for others.

“We’re not a monolith,” says Marie. “You might be grateful you might have a job but additionally perceive that it is taxing you right now.” And in case you’re feeling it inside, then attempt to clarify it to others. By doing so, Marie says, you may assist cease the unfold of poisonous positivity: “If you happen to’re saying it, then others will give themselves permission to say, ‘There’s nothing’s fallacious with me if I am experiencing that as properly.’”

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